2 voices

I heard two voices in my heart. When I heard the first one, I feel safe. I have no worries, like everything is in the good hands, even in chaos I feel strangely calm because everything is all right, as long as the voice is here.

When I heard the voice deep within my inner self, it’s calming and serene, like the flow of time stand still for that moment. It feels like you can look into a mirror of the future and it looks bright and you can feel a splash of certainty. The only thing is the voice has control over me, over my shaky emotion. There’s a cut in my heart caused by the sense of self of this voice in the early years and since it has control over me, it keeps wounded me. I was wondering why I keep crawling back. Is it because that splash of certainty or that calming and serene feeling when I heard this voice?

The second voice is the voice I’ve heard since I was 18 years old. I was in the verge of exhaustion hearing the first voice when after 8 long years I heard the second voice again. God only knows, I long for that voice. It feels like coming home. Like a thousand snowflakes flowing in the sky rushing to get back all the years left by. It feels like where I belong, where I supposed to be from the first place. But, there’s another voice coming. It’s an unfamiliar voice that sends me an understandable signal of 3 years. I do feel a sense of guilt but because that something inside me never fade, and it grew stronger every single moment, it wash away all guiltiness that keep coming. And here I am, wondering why life leads me to this particular voice once again if I was meant to forget it. They are memories left untouched by time, ageless, forever 18.

I decide to part ways with the first voice. Not because I grew tired mending my broken heart, or because I give up to love and tears itself, or that everything I put into it has run its course. It is because I found myself trying too hard and deny objection from my own reason. Thankful that I ever been here with it, grateful that it taught me lots of thing and appreciate that it ever happen. Undeniably the best thing ever happens. So long my kiss-of-life, I wish you long and happy life. Life will take it turn on us if destiny is watching us now.

I kept in touch with the second voice with an extreme consciousness of the existence of the unfamiliar voice. I got nothing else to be bothered about, no heart to mind of, and most of all no broken heart to mend. I am a free soul. I am here, sitting on the bench, sipping my afternoon tea, in my three-quarter pants and Langkawi T-shirt, watching the quiet horizon sunset, breathes in the air of freedom making my own decision, not worry if it will upset other.

I have no regret.

~shake hands with choices once again~

can you keep a secret?

Ok. Another bus ride. Another book I’ve read. By Sophie Kinsella – Can you keep a secret? Emma Corrigan, 25 years old, a junior marketing executive at marketing department of Panther Corporation. She has few secrets, which includes:

1. Sometimes she thinks her boyfriend Connor who works in research department of Panther Cola is too handsome, just like Ken. As in Barbie and Ken.
2. She has no idea what NATO stand for or what the hell it is.
3. She weigh 128 but told Connor she is 118
4. She’s uncomfortable with G-String
5. And bla~bla~bla~

On a plane ride she accidentally spills it out to a handsome stranger, an American guy, out of fear of dying when the plane hit turbulence. If ever there was a bare soul, it's hers. She survives the flight, of course, and the next morning the famous founding boss of the whole mega corporation she works for is coming for a look at the UK branch. As he walks around, Emma looks up and realises... It's the man from the plane.

It had been a while since I read a ‘love story’. Overall, this one is a nice reading. Emma’s secret is what all of us has and feel as well. I never lied about my weight though. Hee~ As I read this, I thought this will be a good date-movie... a romantic comedy. When I checked it, it's already in planning. Kate Hudson will play Emma Corrigan. Damn. I was thinking about someone younger-looking like Anne Hathaway. Don't get me wrong, but I'm kind of tired seeing Kate in romantic comedies.

Anyway, put aside the book and movie. Let me share my few secrets with you. (To think that of all those who read this blog, only a two or three knows me in real) so here we go:

1. My friend is having an affair with someone else’s husband, thus spawn havoc in her family. Everyone was against it. When she was pregnant with her then-someone else’s husband-boyfriend and everyone was like ‘eww’ or ‘oh my gosh’ or talking about her sin-on-sole, I thought she was smart. Getting herself pregnant so everyone has no other choice but to let her marry the guy, that one is a brilliant move. Sin is your business with God. As long as you got the man of your dreams, mind nothing else.

2. When everyone was busy with the thought ‘apasal aku tak kahwin lagi ni’, the truth is, I’m pretty happy the way I am now. The thought of having to care for someone else and share almost everything is uncanny. I have no desire to get married, at least not now. But singing the rhythm ‘apa nak jadi, sampai sekarang tak kahwin lagi’ nonetheless along with everyone else, so no one will think I’m out-of-the-league.

3. I had never been properly in love. And just like Emma Corrigan, I also thought that somewhere somehow, something big is waiting for me out there. Nge~~

4. I dump my ex-boyfriend because I was after something else in life then. I regret it much more than I should be now.

5. I hate my father. Not because what he did to us but because I seems to succeed his insecurity, shaky emotion and madness.

6. I have an addiction of patting someone's butt. Recently, I've come to realize, I only did this to friends that I feel really close with. I wish I can grab Beyonce's butt when she come down here. Tee~hee~

Ok, don’t share too much. What’s yours?

p/s : Mie, let's go watch this when it hit the cinema, shall we?

we're not a reading society

I'm sick of seeing TV advert about ‘Budaya Membaca'. Only in Malaysia you have to promote excessively to get people to read. For some unexplained reason, every time the advert was aired, numbness hitting me hard. The most irritating part is watching the 'actors and actresses' of the advert who seems trying harder to act like they're really into 'reading'.

Scene 1: Mom and dad in a car with 3 kids. Dad was curious because he hadn't heard any noise from the back seat and thought the kids were sleeping. Since he cannot turn away from the road ahead, mom twists her head to look at the back seat. *camera followed her * voila! Mom amazed like she had witness something extraordinary and announce the finding to dad. 'No... They’re not sleeping, they're reading!' she exclaimed, like 'reading' is an act of holiness. And when the camera focus to the kid, the one in the middle was reading ‘Ben 10’ coloring book (or was it?).

Scene 2: Teenagers in their huge motorbike which immediately will make you think about the infamous ‘Mat Rempit’ so to assume what they were up to …urmm… Racing in daylight? And they reached their destination, park their fit-for-race motorbike, and headed to the stairway. (at first, I have this thought that maybe they were up to learn some skill like ‘membuat kraftangan’) And oh! Here they are, get some book from the shelf and read it... in the library. Lots of teenagers around sedang membaca. Stupid TV Advert I ever seen. 1st the library looks as dull as ever. Wasn’t the environment that you usually see lots of people sit and were deep in their reading. Nak tunjuk remaja sekarang suka membaca? You think we’re bunch of idiots or what? 2nd, lots of people were reading in what’s clearly looks like a Pusat Sumber Sekolah and for god sake, they were trying so hard to read! Ha~ha~. Kill me.

Hey, whoever made that advert, go take a candid photos of people who takes reading as something naturally as smiling to strangers. Membaca tak semestinya kat library. Kat bustop nak tunggu bus ke, dalam LRT or Komuter or Bus rapidKL. Orang jaga kedai runcit or butik pun membaca… If Yasmin Ahmad still alive, wonder what her idea for ‘kempen mari membaca’ TV advert. Membaca tak semestinya baca buku. Baca majalah, baca newspaper, baca horoscope, baca komik, baca jampi… Ok, that’s really not the case. But seriously, I wouldn’t read my favorite books in library, unless the library provide expensive imported sofa or bed with Getha as mattress.



In this days of the-age-of-internet, you don’t see lots of people reading in library anymore (exception for Public Library with lots of leisure reading material) I mean, with the invention of e-book, you can even read e-novel with your hand phone. And people that are really into reading will bought their own book. Or go to some bookstores where you can read like crazy for free. No need for membership registration.

By 'read' here I mean, teenagers and kids. By 'reading material' I mean, leisure reading material that you usually read for pastime, just like the advert try to convey. By 'library' I mean, Public Library, heaven for leisure reading materials. An exception for researchers or the rest of us who read for life.

Reading is just not in our blood let alone society. Take it or leave it.

one week ~ away from cyber world

Happy Raya to all.
Family, friends and foes.

these are the lovely bones

Today, I finished reading Alice Sebold’s book, The Lovely Bones. (My bus-ride is worthy after all, yay!). What a breathtaking story. The best ever book I’ve read since John Grisham’s, A painted house. The Lovely Bone will turn into a movie directed by Peter Jackson, The one who brought us The Lord of The Rings and King Kong.

The story was set in 70s. The years when your high school crushes can last a lifetime and become your better half. And as Sebold says, it’s the year before kids of all races and genders started appearing on milk cartons or in the daily mail.

The story revolved around Susie Salmon, 14 years old on December, 1973 when she was brutally raped, murderer and dismembered by her seemingly shy neighbour Mr. George Harvey who lives alone and built dollhouse for a living. Over the next few years she watches from a personalized heaven as her family and friends deal with their grief over her death.

Will it turn out better than the book? I really hope so. I want to see how they’re going to visualize susie’s heaven. I’ve checked the list of actors and actresses. My favourite, Rachel Weisz will play Abigail, Susie’s mother who has a short affair with the detective and leave her husband because she’s too weak to accept the fact that her oldest daughter is dead. I’ve loved Weisz since her roles in The Constant Gardener. (She won an Oscar for this). Susan Sarandon plays Grandma Lynn, who moves into their house after her daughter leaves to help her son-in-law care for the remaining children, Susie’s precious sister Lindsey and beloved little brother, Buckley.

My favourite character is Ruth. I pictured her with a gothic sense of dressing. At some point Ruth had break all the rules by exchanging her soul with Susie, so Susie can once again kiss the boy she truly love from her high school years using Ruth’s body. Hal Heckler, the brother of Samuel Heckler, Lindsey’s boyfriend from high school to college and later become her husband, is another character of my favourite. Mark Wahlberg will play Jack Salmon, Susie’s father whom she loved most.

I’m so gonna watch this movie. I even read the movie’s script. Teeheehe. I’ve watched the official trailer and I hope it won’t be as disappointing as Twilight have been. While reading Twilight, I pictured Bella as someone self-reserved, cute and not pretty. I pictured Ellen Page as Bella while anyone can be Edward because no matter what, no human can be as handsome as Stephanie Meyer had described Edward’s look. Haha. Anyone plays Edward will going through long hour of excessive make-up. And Kristen Stewart made Bella looked too awkward.

What’s even more disappointing is too much have been left out in the movie. Summit Entertainment should have spent more on Twilight. The Sequel of the ridiculously popular saga will come into cinema some time in November. But I’m more eager to watch The Lovely Bones than New Moon. After all, Peter Jackson has reputation of turning book into good movie. The Lovely Bones will be release in US on 11 December and UK 29 January 2010. Haven’t seen release date for Malaysia or any part of Asia. Maybe we’ll get to see it some time in February next year. Du’oh.

I will blog about New Moon and The Lovely Bone after I watch it. In the meantime I'm moving to Alice Sebold's 3rd book and Second Novel, Almost Noon. Oh and by the way, her 1st book is a memoir described her experiences of being raped while walking home through an underground tunnel on campus. The book’s title is Lucky. This memoir of her ultimately tells the story of a brutal rape, the emotional trauma, and the aftermath of recovery. Now I know what inspired The Lovely Bones.

the pandemic

Seperti yang diketahui umum, dunia dilanda pandemic yang disebut sebagai H1N1. Sebagai pengguna pengangkutan awam yang tegar, aku melihat a few people telah pun memakai topeng mulut atau medical mask (aku masih menunggu topeng mulut yang diberi secara percuma – adakah?). Mak aku kat kampung tak putus-putus sms dengan nasihat ‘jangan jalan-jalan sangat, nanti dapat penyakit. Ramai dah mati’. I didn’t tell her, I used public transport everyday to get to work and who knows the person infected with this pandemic is in the bus and train as well, coughing and sneezing in the heavily crowded train where you don’t actually have choice.

Anyway, I choose not to panic. H1N1 like all influenza viruses is not airborne. It’s a droplet. Which mean the virus do not stay in the air, floating like some sort of suspended animation. When the infected person cough or sneeze, the virus transferred via the droplets of the sneeze. To be considered an airborne virus, the microorganism would have to survive or remain in the air for long periods of time

Verdict: Not Guilty

Moreover, those died of this pandemic is because they had another chronic disease. Such as high blood pressure, cancer etc. As long as you doesn’t have the other disease, kau akan demam jek. Doktor suntik flu viral dan akan dikuarantin. (Ini mungkin seronok jika ada rakan sekerja atau se-building yang dijangkiti, kerana akan mendapat cuti kecemasan sekurang-kurangnya satu minggu) I’m not saying aku kebal dan tak takut penyakit berbahaya ni. Aku cuma memilih untuk tak gelabah. Kenapa penyakit wujud? Kenapa ada orang yang terkena penyakit? Semuanya sebab nak bagi kau sedar sikit. Masa sihat tak bersyukur dan jaga kesihatan. Bila dah sakit baru ingat Tuhan. Ok, mungkin ada sedikit ‘kuang hajo’ di sini.

Berbalik kepada H1N1 tadi, memandangkan prevention is better than cure, here are some simple tips to avoid the virus (untuk orang yang takde pilihan macam aku, yang naik public transport. Because you never know who’s infected and who’s not). Avoid commonly touched surfaces like escalator railings, poles, etc. Untuk keadaan tertentu dimana it is necesarry to touch a commonly used surface (like elevator buttons and door handle) Try using you elbow, suitcase/handbag, umbrella, or use tissue. OR let other people inside the elevator do it. Just don’t stand near the buttons and don’t forget to say ‘Please’ and ‘Thank you’. Kalau dah ter-stand near the buttons, ambil tangan orang lain dan gunakan jarinya untuk press the button. (Jangan buat terhadap orang tua dan ibu mengandung) Dan jangan lupa cuci tangan selalu. Silalah rajin-rajin bawa anti bacterial hand sanitizer. Aku bawa jenama Dettol, murah aje kat Tesco. And last but not least, remember to avoid eye, nose and mouth contact with your hands.

Kalau ada orang coughing or sneezing dalam bus atau train dan tak tutup mulut, jangan ragu-ragu memberikan jelingan tajam sebagai amaran. Jika berada di dalam bus, suruh pemandu bus berhenti dan paksa orang tersebut turun walaupun berada di tengah highway. Jika berada di dalam train, selepas jelingan tajam yang tak dipedulikan, sebaik sahaja pintu train terbuka, tolak orang tersebut keluar. Tolak sekuat hati sambil jerit ‘H1N1’! Bagaimanapun, ini memerlukan kiraan masa yang tepat agar orang yang ditolak tak sempat berdiri dan masuk train semula. Baiklah, yang ini hanya dilakukan oleh golongan professional iaitu pengguna Public Transport yang tegar. Don’t try this at home, kid.

Orang kata, Jangan cari penyakit.

night in Bangsar

I was in Bangsar last night. Everyone will normally think ‘what on earth are you doing there’? Well, to accompany a friend from UK and it seems that they wanted to know what it is like the night-life here in Malaysia or Kuala Lumpur to be specific. I planned to drop them at Bukit Bintang but someone apparently was afraid to get lost in the heart of KL in the middle of the night.

And there I was. Heavy retro Indian music. The boss of the bar (Opps!) chatting happily to the friends. I ask for non-alcoholic drink and got some nice fruit Punch drink. While they talking, people start coming as it closed to midnight. The music gets heavier as my heavy-eyed. Everybody instantly knew I didn’t belong there. Someone was nice enough to ask me stand up and watched the professional singer sang a classic Hindi song. I did but I didn’t open my eyes. The boss of the place commented that he was afraid I fall asleep and thanked that person. I hissed at him that I got to work tomorrow.

Night life just isn’t for me. Some will say, ‘ahh... you’ll get used to it’. The truth is, I never. I’ve been there, but never one who will be contented with it. My night is at home. If I should really go, 10.00pm is the limit. Definitely no Shopping Spree at midnight. The only thing I can endure is midnight movie Teehee. I rather stay in front of TV watching some illegal DVD. I just don’t belong anywhere at night except at the comfort of my home, my bed, my pillow. If I’d go out, I’d be a zombie after 10pm and I wasn’t even there.

The male friend said, he’s been warning about not to drink anything illegal to his belief here in Malaysia as recently a model from Singapore has been ‘punished’ by the Religious Department for that. I have no comment for that. What you did is your choice. As I sleepily watched the friends stuff themselves with God-knows-what (haha) he smiles at me and I stared at him with the please-don’t-include-me feeling.

Life is a choice.

uncertainty

I hate this word. But not as much as I hate the meaning.
I hate to get prepare for something unconfirmed.

Scene 1:

Daddy: Hi buddy, daddy’s gonna get the 3 days off this weekend so you better get prepared for some tools, pack a few things and don’t forget the binoculars your mommy bought for you last 2 weeks. We’re going on hiking. Yeah!
Little boy: Really Dad? Oh my god, finally! Wait… are you sure you’ll get the day off?
Daddy: It’s likely I will get it.
Little boy: What do you mean by likely? And you ask me to pack now? What if you didn’t get it?

Scene 2:

Boyfriend: Sweetheart, I’m coming down tomorrow to see you. (Living on the other side of the world)
Girlfriend: Wow…really? I miss you so much. Oh my God. When will you arrive?
Boyfriend: Urmm… not sure about that. I’m still planning.
Girlfriend: Planning? I thought you said you’re coming.
Boyfriend: Yes, but I’m still planning on when to start driving or whether I should just come on Friday considering you’re still working tomorrow.
Girlfriend: Okay. Are you really coming tomorrow or Friday?
Boyfriend: It’s likely tomorrow.
Girlfriend: Ugh.

Don’t tell me if it’s not confirmed.
Tell me only if it’s confirm. Validate. Verify. Whatever the synonym is.
I hate it because my left brain cannot process what possibly the outcome is.
Certain or not certain. And you think I’m an idiot. I don’t give a damn. I don’t care.

Just let me know if you’re sure about it. Teehee.

the day you were born

Sigh. They say, it's just another number. The fact is, it's another year added to your age. Again, sigh.

I hate cakes on birthday, except the one in my Uni years.
I even hate surprise and birthday party. Silly and ridiculous. (well, except the one my friend gave me in my Uni years)

When you were born in my culture as a girl, another number to your age will mean people around you will start whispering. The odd damned thing is, they'll whispering when your parents or any of your family members are around too.

I couldn't care less about this 'moving numbers'. Jeezz.. Haha.
Honestly, I'm angry. I'm sad. Not because of the number start adding his friends but because the day he's expected to come is the day I expected my usually Belligerence and Moodiness self to be at least happy and smile for urmm.. maybe 10 seconds. And most of all able to say Thank you and Smile to the wishers instead of stuck-out my tounge.

I'm sad because the 'happy-ness' did came but didn't last long enough for me to smile the next day. Sigh.

a father and his little daughter

I saw a very exceptional sight today while in the LRT. A father sits next to me with a little girl in his lap. What makes that looks so astonishing is the absence of the little girl’s mother. His outfit looks like he’s going to work (or to office judging by his attire). My mind start thinking about the possibility. Maybe his wife is in hospital somewhere and he’s taking the toddler to her mother before headed to work. Or maybe he’s taking the girl to her grandmother because he and his wife are working parents. Or maybe he’s a serial child kidnapper pretending by wearing nice outfit. erk...

Whatever the reason is, I’m so amazed by the sight. It is a rare occurrence to see a father with little daughter alone without the presence of the mother. Or maybe I was living in a different world before. Is it? Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.

utada is the one

I’ve been a fan of Utada Hikaru (affectionately known as Hikki) since ‘First Love’ back in 1999. ‘Utada: This is The One’ is her 3rd English album. It features 10 R&B flavoured tunes, short but sweet, sweet and addictive. The more mature and confident Utada singing songs that point up a different side of her in this album. While some have criticized her overtly-sexy lyrics, Utada is still maintaining her girl-next-door image.

She portrays a cheating lover begging for forgiveness and second chance in Come back to me, which reminds me of Vanessa Hudgens’ of the same title. This is the first single release from this album. She is also a girl falling out of love in Apple and Cinnamon (the opening tunes remind me of Jojo’s ‘get out’). The lyric goes like this… Started out so simple in innocent, chemistry like apple and cinnamon… can someone out there, please tell me is there really chemistry between an apple and cinnamon? In ‘Taking back my money’ she’s a woman breaking up with her player boyfriend after realized he’s just using her.



The biggest downside of this album is the cheap-looking album cover. I thought the Japanese was the most creative people on earth. What happened? Her album cover has always been simple but this one looks too cheap to be simple. Anyway, this one is an apple and cinnamon for my ear, compare to her 1st one ‘Exodus’. Don't judge the book by it's cover. Gambatte Utada-sama!

what's in a name?

We love to call and be called by our loved ones a distinctive name to indicate our ‘blooming love’ to each other. Once, a friend told me he used to call his wife ‘babe’ and mostly ‘honey’. When their daughter was about 2 years old, she started calling her ‘honey’ too. They had to tell her No... That’s Mommy. Haha. So, what do you call your husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend or partner? Let’s take a look at this name-calling.

1. Abang - When I was a kid, we call our brother ‘abang’ which means ‘brother’. But then, every time the TV was switch-on I saw a woman called someone who supposed to be her husband ‘abang’. It makes me wonder why our ‘abang’ is really our brother and not ‘husband’. Then I went study abroad where almost every girl called their boyfriend ‘abang’. So when my friend say ‘My abang are taking me to candle light dinner’, I was like 'wow… your abang is so generous, but isn’t that something a couple usually did? Not a sibling'. And I got slapped in the face. Oh! She means abang… abang special. So what’s the purpose of the ‘Abang’ referring to your male siblings in the first place? What if you got brother and husband which you call abang both at the same time? Say, these 2 men went fishing together with you and his mother call you asking to speak to him (consider he left his phone at home la). You say ‘Abang, Mom’s calling’. Which one you think will respond to you immediately? Does no one else see anything wrong with calling the one you’re supposedly in love with by that name? It never fails to crack me every time I saw someone calling their better half by that name in some silly local dramas. Ewww… TOTAL ROMANCE KILLER!Okay... you don't have to agree with me. Hehe.


2. Papa/Daddy & Mama/Mommy – This one sounds cute. But it supposed to be the name called by your children. Imagine a wife call her husband ‘papa’. It’s somewhat creepy. I’m not married to my father. Haha. Yuck!


3. Woman – I got friend calling his wife ‘woman’ when he’s angry with her. It goes like this ‘hey woman, where’s my coffee?’ I think its okay to call woman rather than you call them animal’s name when you angry. Like ‘monkey’ or the usual one ‘pig’. Ouch!


4. Hubby – OK, what about this one? It’s rather obvious calling your significant someone ‘hubby’. I mean, it’s okay if you’re married. NO problem with that. But if you’re not even engaged, oh my, what a reeks of wishful thinking. There’s hinting and for God sake that’s a blatant desperation.


5. Sayang – This one is the usual one. Honey, Sweetheart, Darling. It’s sweet, romantic, affectionate and loving. But imagine if the guy has two-timing and calling both of them ‘sayang’. Wow. He never has to worry about calling the wrong girl by the wrong name. Hehe.


6. Baby – The funniest I ever heard. I mean because the one calling is the girl to her boyfriend. Wow… what a big ‘baby’ is that. But then I came to my senses, men can be a ‘baby’ sometimes. NO. Most of the time actually.






7. Boo – Oh my, it sounds like a puppy’s name. The song by Alicia Keys and Usher’s ‘My Boo’ came to mind when I heard this one. But it sounds a bit ridiculous in this part of the world.


8. Lambchop – Haha. Obviously it’s the name of a food. Hmmm… why would anyone wanted to be named after a piece of mouth-watering dead animal? I can accept ‘sugar’ or ‘sweetie’. Oh… and what about Puffin for guy and Muffin for Girl? Your spouse is as delicious as a muffin. Apu (The Simpson) called his wife ‘My Little curry face’. Now, that’s as romantic as ‘lambchop’.






9. Dear – I can say this one is rather common. I mean in a sense that nowadays it is widely used (and I can imagine) by grandmothers. If you’re going to call your boyfriend ‘dear’, make sure you put that wig of tight curls to add some ‘sexy-ness’.


10. Pet name – this is common in western so be careful and remember not to use it if you and your foreigner boyfriend decided to meet your family here in Malaysia. Imagine he calls you ‘Pookie’. Oh my, you’ll become the joke among friends and family.
    

What a warm and fuzzy feeling when your loved one calls you by a different name from everyone else, it seems to fortify the fact that you’re both deeply in love and totally into each other. Anyway, be careful because once a name sticks, it’s difficult to change it. Now, where’s my hubby? Teehee.

days go by slowly

It's been a hectic week.
My body feels drained.
My mind exhausted.
I've used all my energy.
Emosi... kudrat...
I'm worn-out.
I need a spa, facial or even better I need a beach.
I need my kampung.
Coz' my kampung got these :

In front of the house

Behind the house








I think, I really should go back.

how long is eternity?

Michael Learns to Rock is still learning how to rock and I think they will do so for Eternity. Michael will never become a skilled rocker. Haha. I remember listening to MLTR when I was 12. My sisters were all crazy about them. (ahh.. the good ol’ days) Their hits include 25 Minutes, The Actor, Sleeping Child, Paint my Love etc. Their easy-to-memorize and sing-along lyrics are painless (to my ear at least). They call their new album ‘ETERNITY’.

Their new album's cover

MLTR is a Danish soft rock band formed by singer-keyboardist Jascha Richter, drummer Kåre Wanscher, guitarist Mikkel Lentz and Søren Madsen, playing bass. Søren Madsen decided to leave the group to embark on a solo career, in 2000.

As I would like to share it with you, here’s the download link.

http://www.4shared.com/file/106052983/9ca626af/Michael_Learns_to_Rock_-_Eternity__2008_.html

Have a blast weekend!

promises to my dog

I spend weekend at home. Tidying up and doing all the chores I haven’t had time to do. I even watched DVD, something I hadn’t done in a long time since my DVD player broken last year. (I thought I just bought it last 2 years, betul-betul cap ayam). I bought new one anyway. I hope something as recognizable as Sony won’t disappoint me.

I watched the ’10 Promises to My Dog’. What a breathtaking story. Simple, momentous yet memorable. It’s a story about a girl who found a puppy lost in the backyard of her house when her father was busy working as doctor and her mother dying of fatal disease in the same hospital. She decide to kept the puppy and made a promise to it in the presence of her dying mother which later revealed that it’s her mother asking for the dog’s original owner to give one of his newborn puppy to her daughter. The puppy was named ‘socks’ after the paws which looked like they had white socks on. When the girls grow up and became a veterinary, her feelings and interest moves away from socks. Their distance grows when she moves to a far off city leaving Socks behind with her Dad.

The movie poster

Watching this makes my mind pondering to my childhood years. I grew up with dogs too (and cats too). And lots of them have been with me through my younger, bitter yet memorable years. (Warning: don’t preach me how haram the dog is. Wrong place and wrong person for your oh-so-gullible knowledge of religious matter. Tehee)

The first dog came to my knowledge is a childhood friends named Kobi and Chiki. A loyal servant to their masters Kobi likes to chase after the rooster and Chiki loves to bath by itself. Kobi has golden fur and Chiki has brown fur. When both grew old and can no longer bark strangers on the street, my father tried to get rid of them. Kobi has been left on the street where no one lives. Maybe a hundred kilometers away from home. Kobi make it home after 3 days. Both died of natural death.

Another dog named well… Dog. Like Madonna’s song with the title well… music. It’s like making a film with the title well… movie. Dog has orange color fur. This dog has live its life through 3 generations of my family. I remember of its fur turn grey and eventually white because of its age. Most dogs have life-span of 10 to 15 years, but Dog has lived miraculously for 20 years. It died of natural death.

Many of these furry friends of mine have their own character. I remembered one of them named Putih (because of its white fur) loves to plant the seeds of palm tree. It’s intriguing to see him korek tanah with its legs, place the seed from its mouth and cover the seed with soil with its nose. One day, we realize he’s missing and after a few days just when we thought it had died, he came home and that moment when we knew it had been on a long journey to my grandparents’ house (10 kilometers away) to see his true love. Her named is Karagalu. What an exotic name it has. Putih will be home by weekend and he loves to played hero by climbing up himself every time my father started the engine of his lorry. Putih died peacefully after weeks suffering from his eyes bitten by a snake from one of his journey. His brood continues their father’s legacy. That was before digital camera came to my knowledge.

The recent furry friends at home are female dogs (I never care to know what type of dogs they are. They're friends with lots of fur). These two female dogs (one of them is now deceased) have flirting away uncontrollably, and thus expanding their offspring. The broods however never make it to adult dog. Most of it died of illnesses and accidents.

Front : Karagalu (named after its grandmother. Karagalu is now deceased) Behind : Narutulu (which mean ’a long head’ in my native language)

Narutulu loves the cats. An example of the proverb ‘Bagaikan anjing dengan kucing’ Dah tak boleh di guna pakai dah. The cats was named: Silow (mean ‘yellowish’ in my native language, because of its fur)

Friends where you can say whatever you want and they will listen without complain is one of the significant ingredient that makes up for a beautiful life.

P/S: Any story involved pets (especially dog) and a relationship revolved around son-father or daughter-father, grandfather and grandmother to their grandchild will bring my tears down. Romantic movies even with sad ending always fail to do so. I wonder if there's something wrong with me?

down memory lane

Pernahkah anda mendengar lagu yang instantly reminds you of some place or certain time of your life? I have never written a diary throughout my youth (I wasn’t allowed to have one, beside if I wrote any, somehow some culprit manage to find and read it). Oleh itu, setiap kali mendengar lagu yang tertentu, it reminds me of that time and place of my life. Take a look at my memories.

1. Sentuhan kecundang by Ekamatra – The first song I can sing-along. I was 4. My sisters used to say ‘Ya’ know, we never knew any song when we were your age, you’re lucky you got us’. The backdrop - Pemandangan selepas hujan, and the sun shine through the rubber trees and there’s a rainbow.

2. Untukmu sayang by Febian – I was 5 and I went to school with my sisters and sit at standard 1 classroom just because there’s no one at home to babysit me. I thought the title of this song is ‘Keindahan Pelangi’ back then. The backdrop – Perjalanan pergi dan balik from school. Ada sejenis tumbuhan yang tumbuh meliar di tepi jalan ketika itu. Namanya ‘Rumput Malaysia’ (origin is unknown) dan angin bertiup sepoi-sepoi bahasa membuatkan tumbuhan tersebut turut bergoyang-goyang. Jalan raya tidak ber-aspal. (sampai sekarang pun takde, nak buat macam mana, wakil rakyat makan rasuah)

3. Bila kasih menyepi by Kejora – I was 7 years old, standard 3. Kejora is a rather famous group in 80’s. They became a well-known rock kapak group after joining the Gagasan War Rock in 1986. The backdrop – My other house. Di belakang rumah ada hutan which me and my mom used to find wild orchids and me and my sister used to find jambu batu yang tumbuh meliar and every other possibly edible wild fruits. Aku suka sangat lirik lagu ni dulu. Pernah datang ke pusat sumber sekolah semata-mata nak cari maksud perkataan ‘perawan setia’ dalam kamus.

4. Sejati by Wings – I was almost 9 years old and my elder sister babysits me and my one year older than me sister and 2 younger sisters. We used to go to school together. She was in form 5. The backdrop – Tidur berhimpit-himpit with my sisters. Tidur guna kelambu dan aku suka tidur kat tepi sebab takut terpijak sesiapa bila nak pergi ke tandas di tengah malam. My brother from the other room bagi teka-teki yang menyakitkan hati jawapannya. (Yes, you can hear someone yelling at you from the other room, ya’ know, that type of room)

5. Right here waiting by Richard Mark (along with his song Now in Forever) – My first English song. Courtesy of my brother. I was 6. The backdrop – Every scenery I can remember at that time. This song is timeless.

6. Paintings in My Mind by Tommy Page – I was 7 and my brother has his poster all over the wall of his room. I used to think Tommy is the most handsome guy on earth. The backdrop – Sungai di tengah hutan. Mandi sungai adalah perkara yang digemari. Perjalanan ke sungai akan melalui dusun buah-buahan jiran sekampung. Ada pokok langsat (ya, aku suka makan langsat) dan limau serta pokok mangga. Jadi, akan singgah untuk mengambilnya tanpa kebenaran. The fact that it was ‘stolen’ made the fruits even mouth-watering.

7. Cinta Azali by Nurul – Didn’t quite remember my age. Maybe it’s around 10 – 11 years old. The only thing I clearly remember is my sister’s statement ‘berani betul jamin akan bertemu semula di syurga’. Well, Nurul’s syurga with her husband ended after 10 years of marriage. The backdrop – The absence of my father and it makes everyone in a good mood and we’re sleeping in front of the TV (although there’s no TV or sofa). We’re having dinner earlier than usual and mula berkerumun di depan radio (the only entertainment equipment available in the house at that time).

8. I Swear by All-4-One – I was 12 and in Form 1. The backdrop - This song reminds me of the classroom. My sisters is my teachers, it makes me sick. I have a crush on someone but it lasted for 3 months after his sister (in form 3 at that time) threat me with ‘My lil’ bro has the highest score in Math in this school, don’t you dare disturb him studying’ I was like… Wow! I haven’t declared anything and yet the sister has noticed. Must be my unspoken persona. (ahem)

9. Wannabe by Spice Girls (as well as their song ‘Two Become One’) - I was 13. Form 2. I was the school’s prefect and even the school’s favorite sprinter. (Well, I mean… among). I have a crush on another guy, but the new teacher has a crush on him too. She’s 20 and the guy is 14. Omigawd. Cinta tak mengenal usia. The crush lasted until my last day at the school. What a favorite years. The backdrop – Hari sukan sekolah. My mother came not only to support me but to berniaga as well. My other sister who came to help her shouted my name and I caught the sight of her while still running. It makes me giggle. I can’t jump over the second hurdle and run through it. Anyway, the second song is a bit ‘dirty’ but the tune is so beautiful to me.

10. Barbie Girl by Aqua – No, really. I was 14. My first time living in hostel. I was the DJ when the school organizes an event sempena valentine’s day. This is the first song requested by a guy without name. Dedicated to all the girls in the school with a message ‘why can’t any of you date me?’ Aku gelak tak ingat dunia through the microphone. The whole school can hear it. I became famous for that nonetheless. Yay... what a year. The backdrop – The whole school. I can remember it clearly.

The group - Aqua

There go my 10 ‘reminder’ songs. What can I say, aku suka rock kapak. I have too many sisters I’m sick of them. Haha.

too sweet for your less-sugar coffee

I often received an email about ‘friendship’ that stated I should forward it to as many friends I had on my list (even to the sender) and see how many came back to me. As if many of those friends are rajin enough to forward the email back to me. I probably one of those who read these email and as soon as you realize what it was about, you move to the next email with the title ‘Lawak hari rabu’ or ‘If you seek Amy on one of these days’ forwarded by your other concern friends.

Ok. This isn’t about that friendly email. There aren’t any necessities for me to forward such email to see how many friends I got in my life and the fact that how many of them are ‘good friends’ or ‘true friends’. You don’t need to forward emails to identify them; you can see it right through their skin. How many good friends you had in your life? And how many of them are true? Good friend take care of your heart, your feeling, while true friends will say something like ‘I’m sorry, but that’s the truth’. OK, so what will you do if you come across a friend that is too good to be true?

Every morning the first thing this person will do when she saw you is say hi while her eyes scrutinize your dress with a ‘judging look’. And her comment will be something nice like ‘oh my, your dress is pretty’ or just screaming out loud ‘cantikkk’ before she even say hi.

If you made any changes to your appearance (cut hair, or you threading your eyebrow etc.), she’ll be the first person to notice even if she is the last person you saw that morning (given that she came late often than anyone else). She will talk about the changes you made for the whole day and made everyone else talk about it. You had no choice but to reveal how you did it, where you did it, how much it costs you etc. even if you hate bragging about something like that. The way she talks about it to anyone else to make them notice is too irritating to bypass. She will notice if your dress is new, if your handbag is new. It makes you wonder if she ever noticed the last handbag you used is already koyak-rabak.

If she saw you bought new moisturizer or new compact powder she will talk about it, the next day. How was it, is it ok, is it good while you had never heard of any product that will give you result the first time you applied it to your face. Not to mention the face powder is the one you used before. What can possibly the result of the new one you bought just because you’re running out of stock?

You went to pharmacy with her and conveniently brag about certain face moisturizer that you once bought because it’s on sale and the price is cheaper and the result is somewhat makes you happy. But, that time, you didn’t buy any because of the price. 3 days later, she scrutinized your face in every chances she got saying your skin is flawless and the certain moisturizer is indeed a good product. You were like… Oh my god! First you went with her and she saw that you didn’t buy any and second, to say that your skin is flawless is a blatant lie. No one has ever said that and you never expected anyone to say such thing and since it came from a person whose spending most of her time judging your appearance… it is really getting on your nerves. Nevertheless, you just said I didn’t buy any, you saw it. But she didn’t notice the sound of ‘you annoyed me’ in your voice and continued bragging about your so-called flawless skin in front of the others (and the boss for that matter) and while in the middle of discussing other topic. For god sake!

None of her comment is actually able to hurt anyone’s feeling in any sense because it is all so sweet. Too sweet that you cannot put it in your less sugar coffee. So somebody will ask you, then why the hell you bad-mouthing her? Simply because it is what you describe as too much of something and it isn’t good for your health. And when there’s too much of flattering remark, you started to feel uncomfortable and doubt any of it was true.

All in all this kind of friend deserved our sympathy, mercy… maybe even forgiveness. For me, I make an effort to see on some optimistic perspective. Growing up in urban area where everyone expecting higher than you can achieve... like Be nice to everyone, talk sweetly… to get what you wanted from them… you know, that kind of thing. Turn out, when real friend came along, they’re trying hard to keep this friend but didn’t realize they’re driving them away instead. Trying very hard and it’ll look and sounds unnatural, it starts freak you out. The truth is, we never really need ‘good friends’ all the time. We need some bitter taste of the truth from the ‘true friends’. We might tripped over and hurt our knee sometimes but that’s what makes life truly wonderful, isn’t? It's like the saying... A good friend will tell you what you want to hear. A true friend will always tell the truth.

p/s: A good friend will help you move. A true friend will help you move a body. Hehe

twinkle twinkle little star

I was running from the train to bus station last Friday to get home from my office and relieve that the queue wasn't long as I expected. I was looking at the sea of busses searching for my supposed-bus when out of nowhere a girl with ‘Tudung Labuh’ approach the line and queuing up behind me. I wasn’t looking directly at her but she seems to purposely looking at me upside down and smile. She did that twice and I feel kinda weird but I smile back to her nonetheless.

My bintang

Out of habit I pull out my CLEO magazine and start reading page to page. While reading, I can feel someone’s head behind my back as if looking what I was reading. But I kept reading. And suddenly I feel someone nudge me. I look behind me, surprised. The girl smile and said ‘Dik, tak elok baca bintang’. I was confused for 5 second. ‘Bintang’? What does she mean by reading a ‘star’? And she nodded to the magazine in my hand. Oh! I was in horoscope page!! And she added ‘Akak just nak bagi tau tu je’. What!? You interrupted me just to say such nonsense?

I was like, who the hell is she to out of nowhere pisses off with someone’s habit of reading? It’s not like I read a Playboy magazine (not that it’s allowed here, yay!!). Is she someone I know and been friend with for years that she ought to know konon-kononnya I’m a person that read my horoscope every month, even believe it and depend my whole life on it? Who the hell she thinks she is?!!! Ustazah? What does an Ustazah doing at this bus station when it’s almost maghrib?! The problem with this girl is, she thinks she’s better by comparing her dressing with me. Sorry for any ustazah out there who happen to read this. (hey, one of my best friend is Ustazah too). If she caught me doing some ‘illegal businesses’ then I will not gnashing my teeth, but come on... I was reading a magazine's Horoscope section while waiting for the bus! How immoral is that?

But the real problem is, I was reading every horoscope on that page and she was there all the time, bends over her head behind me to see what I was reading. I was even on the Q&A Sex section and the page with Ms. Spears wearing a ‘barely there’ outfit. Why doesn’t she told me that one is ‘tak elok’? It was like she was waiting for me to make some ‘mistake’ so she can lashes out her urmm… knowledge? What if I read ‘Mastika’? Or many other ‘Majalah Picisan’ out there, will she tell me that one is not ok? I really had no problem with people who wants to show the world how knowledgeable they are, but those who thinks they’re better than others just by looking at others’ appearances really pisses me off. Don't judge the book by its cover, moron. Unless the book has no cover at all. (eh! whats this? haha)

Happy rabbit

P/s: I replied that girl, ‘Kak, ini bukan bintang la.. ini magazine.. dalam bahasa melayu kita panggil Majalah. Mana ada orang baca bintang.. tengok bintang or kira bintang adalah’ She and the guy in front of me was speechless with my obvious dumbness. Give me a dumb question and you’ll get the dumpiest answer from me.

goku went to high school

I just watched the all-time favorite Dragonball and as their decision to modernise my high school favourite manga, the word 'evolution' was added to the title. It is a bold move but nontheless failed miserably. Drastic changes made to the characters, including (sadly) to the lead character.. the young, cute and monkey-like warrior, Goku.

Goku, played by Justin Chatwin

And to add salt to the injury, Goku went to high school and met Chi-Chi his love interest who has been revamped into a sexy kickfighting bombshell. What's more, Chi-Chi was his motivation to mastered the famous KameHameHa. Gone is the free-spirited, always-hungry, adorable and kind youngster looking for a fight. Instead, there standing a Karate-Kid itching to prove himself to the world.

Many of the character's familiar quirks eliminated or downgraded, like the Master Roshi lascivious nature. I recalled only one scene to show this nature of him, that is when he grab Bulma's butt as they about to ride her high-tech bike.

Goku and Bulma, Played by Emmy Rossum

The only character almost as close as to the original one probably is Bulma, the tech-savvy girl. And whats with that romance between her and the desert bandit Yamcha? It's stilted and somehow uncomfortable to watch.

Running at 89 minutes, the movie feels rushed, as if the filmmakers wanted to get over it quickly because they knew they had a bad product at hand. I can say the only interesting part is the special effects and few fight scenes.

The original Goku and his KameHameHa

p/s: why the heck almost all the characters was somewhat 'asian'..(even Bulma was made to look like one) except Goku? Probably they can't find any asian that suit to played Goku. I just hope hollywood won't try to make a live action of Sailormoon. Just imagine 'Sailormoon Evolution'. Wonder who will played the handsome 'Mamoruchiba'.

isn't perfection annoying?

The perfect being, was it?
There is no such thing as perfect in this world
That may sound cliché, but it’s the truth
The average person admires perfection and seeks to obtain it
But, what’s the point of achieving perfection?
There is none. Nothing. Not a single thing.

I loathe perfection, never strive for it
If something is perfect, then there is nothing left
There is no room for imagination
No place left for a person to gain additional knowledge or abilities

For scientist, perfection only brings despair
It is their job to create things more wonderful than anything before them, but never to obtain perfection
A scientist must be a person who finds ecstasy while suffering from that antinomy
In short, when you say you’re perfect, you had already lost the battle