2 voices

I heard two voices in my heart. When I heard the first one, I feel safe. I have no worries, like everything is in the good hands, even in chaos I feel strangely calm because everything is all right, as long as the voice is here.

When I heard the voice deep within my inner self, it’s calming and serene, like the flow of time stand still for that moment. It feels like you can look into a mirror of the future and it looks bright and you can feel a splash of certainty. The only thing is the voice has control over me, over my shaky emotion. There’s a cut in my heart caused by the sense of self of this voice in the early years and since it has control over me, it keeps wounded me. I was wondering why I keep crawling back. Is it because that splash of certainty or that calming and serene feeling when I heard this voice?

The second voice is the voice I’ve heard since I was 18 years old. I was in the verge of exhaustion hearing the first voice when after 8 long years I heard the second voice again. God only knows, I long for that voice. It feels like coming home. Like a thousand snowflakes flowing in the sky rushing to get back all the years left by. It feels like where I belong, where I supposed to be from the first place. But, there’s another voice coming. It’s an unfamiliar voice that sends me an understandable signal of 3 years. I do feel a sense of guilt but because that something inside me never fade, and it grew stronger every single moment, it wash away all guiltiness that keep coming. And here I am, wondering why life leads me to this particular voice once again if I was meant to forget it. They are memories left untouched by time, ageless, forever 18.

I decide to part ways with the first voice. Not because I grew tired mending my broken heart, or because I give up to love and tears itself, or that everything I put into it has run its course. It is because I found myself trying too hard and deny objection from my own reason. Thankful that I ever been here with it, grateful that it taught me lots of thing and appreciate that it ever happen. Undeniably the best thing ever happens. So long my kiss-of-life, I wish you long and happy life. Life will take it turn on us if destiny is watching us now.

I kept in touch with the second voice with an extreme consciousness of the existence of the unfamiliar voice. I got nothing else to be bothered about, no heart to mind of, and most of all no broken heart to mend. I am a free soul. I am here, sitting on the bench, sipping my afternoon tea, in my three-quarter pants and Langkawi T-shirt, watching the quiet horizon sunset, breathes in the air of freedom making my own decision, not worry if it will upset other.

I have no regret.

~shake hands with choices once again~