love me for a reason and let the reason be love

Seringkali bila kita menyayangi seseorang, ia turut diiringi perasaan ingin disayangi olehnya sebagaimana kita menyayanginya atau lebih. Tapi, pernahkah kita terfikir bahawa walau bagaimana dalam sekalipun rasa sayang kita terhadap seseorang, sebagai manusia biasa adalah sesuatu yang sangat sukar untuk meneka jika mereka juga menyayangi kita. Ini sering membuatkan aku rage.

Itu belum lagi bercakap tentang fasa percintaan itu sendiri. Di awal musim romantis, setiap hari paling kurang 10 SMS. Pagi – Good Morning, Breakfast, Tengahari – Lunch, Malam – Dinner, Goodnite, Sleep well dan begitu lah hari-hari seterusnya selama setahun. Setiap SMS pasti dibalas. Masuk tahun kedua hanya tinggal Tengahari – Lunch, Everything ok? Dan Malam – Goodnite. Masuk tahun kedua, ada SMS berbentuk ‘pertanyaan’ tidak berjawab sehinggalah soalan yang sama diulang dengan susunan ayat yang lain. Sehari SMS down to 3 ala kadar sahaja. Ini juga membuatkan aku rage.

Tarikh-tarikh penting adalah sangat istimewa bagi perempuan. Contohnya, Birthday dan Anniversary of 1st time declare as a couple. Lelaki pula, secara alaminya sering lupa hari-hari yang istimewa ini. Tahun pertama as couple, ucapan Happy Birthday darinya datang pada pukul 10 malam di penghujung hari. Aku sangat rage pada hari itu. Turns out, someone else meraikan Birthday yang sama dengan aku, his course mate at that teacher’s college. Seiring dengan kejujurannya, ucapan Happy Birthday diiringi dengan pernyataan minta maaf sebab agak lupa. Aku boleh terima kalau lupa Birthday aku di tahun kedua or ketiga percintaan, but tahun pertama sudah lupa, ini sungguh WTFBBQ! Tapi akhirnya I found out, dia memang seorang pelupa. Lupa dompet, lupa kunci kereta .. tipikal seorang lelaki. Jangan lupa nama aku sudah lah.

Setahun bercinta, masalah ex-girlfriend muncul (erks .. awalnya). Masalah muncul dengan cara yang WTF, but sebagai seorang yang cool, aku cuba untuk menenteramkan jiwa yang kacau. Dan sejak itu sebagai seorang perempuan yang telah hilang kepercayaan terhadap kekasih hati, isu tentang insiden ex-girlfriend selalu diungkit walaupun ketika itu isu yang berbangkit adalah isu melanggar seekor anjing. Aku marah sebab anjing adalah antara binatang yang comel.

Masalah ex-girlfriend tu pula tak pernah habis. Ex-girlfriend nak dia balik, tapi dia sudah terikat hati dengan aku. Aku pula hangin bila tau the ex menggunakan segala macam cara nak jumpa dia termasuk lah hal-hal yang berkaitan dengan harta benda yang dikongsi bersama semasa bercinta. Dan akhirnya, aku dapat tahu mereka bertemu juga a few times, semuanya atas alasan ‘hanya kawan’. Setiap kali aku rage dan mengungkit hal ini, setiap kali itu juga dia dengan sabarnya mengatakan dia sayang aku dan the ex hanya tinggal kawan. Bullshit! Aku sangat rage dengan hal-hal yang berkaitan dengan kepercayaan. Apalagi bila relationship jenis long-distance ini. Aku juga sangat tak suka bila aku yang perlu membuat keputusan untuk seorang lelaki. A man was created to protect and lead a woman or so I thought.

Tapi bila aku balik bertemu mata sama mata dengannya, I am so surprise that he is so in love with me. Tidak perlu berkata romantis, cinta dan sayang kepada diri ini cukup jelas di matanya. Kejujuran jelas terbayang di setiap bait katanya yang hanya sepatah dua. Aku kah yang paranoia tidak ingin ditipu lagi? Dia tidak membuat keputusan kerana ingin memberi aku pilihan, I forgot the days when I don’t have choices at all. The most surprising thing about him is kesabaran tahap ultraman gaia dalam dirinya. Even when I throwing tantrum in front of him, he never loses his cool, never raised his voice, still looking calmly at me. I have never met his parent, but whoever they are I must praised their raising skill; you got in your family a godlike child with the most serene smile I’ve ever seen.

Dan entah sihir apa yang diguna, tetapi when he said ‘I love you and you are the only one. Others are just friend’ without looking directly at me. I believe him. Ianya sama seperti bila kita jawab ‘aku takde duit la’ bila seorang kenalan rapat ajak masuk MLM dengan modal RM10, 000. Aku percaya, sebab kalau aku ada duit RM10k, tak mungkin aku invest masuk MLM.LMAO!

Sememangnya kita tidak dapat meneka sedalam mana cinta seseorang kepada kita. Kita cuma perlu mempercayai cinta itu wujud dan melakukan yang terbaik untuknya, jangan meragui kesetiaan, tak kisah apa pun yang terjadi selepas itu, kita tak perlu menyesal kerana kita telah pun melakukan yang terbaik dan termampu. Sesungguhnya kita semua adalah manusia dan bukannya mahkluk asing.

Seperti kata pujangga ‘when we do something because of love, no matter what the outcome, you can never call it a mistake’ ok, akulah pujangga itu. Ini bukan kisah cinta seperti dalam drama korea, perempuan berkelakuan comel dan berpakaian pelik bercinta dengan lelaki dari golongan berada yang berpakaian skema berlatarbelakangkan musim dingin dan semestinya salji sedang turun.

Apa-apa pun, Selamat Hari Ulangtahun buatmu. Even if you marry someone else, you are still the greatest gift of life ever gave to me. Tuhan telah menciptakan senyumanmu untuk menghilangkan stress aku. Maaf kerana aku juga tipikal perempuan. LOL.

new year, new chapter, new beginning

Boarding on the flight going back home, for 2 hours my mind started drifting to the memories.

Once, I was told a story of someone losing his uncle. When everybody came home but he didn't, rumours travel around mocking his absence at the funeral. When I met him, he told me the reason of his absence. He was so close to his uncle that when he is still alive they shared so much together even went to an adventure of lifetime together. He escapes the funeral because he doesn't want to be seen weak by crying over the lost and because, he’ll definitely cry over it. But most of all, he escaped because he’d done the best of life with him. He has no regrets and no one to lose. And every time I got really mad at someone, he will ask me 'what if that person got run over by a car, will u cry over her?' it’s my housemate (at that time), so ya, definitely I will. And ... I'm not mad anymore ... Just like that.

Reminiscence that … for 2 and half hours flight, I travel around the memory lane. Have I done the best of life with my father? I am very proud to say, yes I did. I have been living with him, longer than anyone except my mother. He has beaten me harder than he ever did to any of my siblings. He beat me physically and emotionally. When I was a kid, I hated it. But as years takes me to see there’s more to life than hated what he did, I came home every possibility to see him, shake and hugged him, gave him what I earned and told him to look after his health.

Did I have the best memory of him? Although I am a person who treasures memories, and I can remember almost every details of my life … Sadly, I have only one fondest memory of him. The others are too sad to reminiscence. Nevertheless, he has been the person who has a lot of stories to tell and I knew most of it. I didn’t cry at my father’s funeral because I have no regrets. In fact, I didn’t cry at all. I have done the best as a daughter and I secretly praised myself for it when I saw my other half-siblings crying over him. Damn! That certain ‘He’ indeed has a lot impact on my life.

One great thing I learnt from my father’s life, always be organized.

So long my father. You will be remembered, just like you want. I will make sure of it. It’s been a great adventure of life with you. Now, my new chapter of life has begun. At first, it’s too good to be true but I realized my mother's long suffering has been stop by Allah. Looks like, someone has been praying so hard.

So much to plan for my new life.
So much to fight for, so much to take care of.

So long my cradle of life, your stories are live to be told.

Al-fatihah.

i saw the fireworks

Second week to a new year, 2011. And as cliche as it is, people asked about your new resolution.

I must looked back on what happened last year to have a new resolution. So, here it goes.

Best damn things last year?

1. Finally finish (err ... almost) the so-called study.
2. Went home 4 times. (wow .. airasia gotten rich, but aku puas hati)
3. I must say this no matter what. The Car! I got a car and in Brilliant red some more. I finally have something to drive around. Haha.

Best of all last year, I've got a 'heart'. to mend, to take care of, to hold on to, to put all my dreams, to create as many memories as I want.

And I can say, I've finally gotten over someone. I can finally go on a day without asking why. I realized there are no reasons why. Its just happened the way it is.

So this year? I will let the year go with the flow. Thats my resolution.

I saw the fireworks.

Coz baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Firework by Katy Perry.

Happy New Year.

facebook is trend

Antara perkara yang membuatkan aku geli bila bercakap tentang facebook :

1.Status makwe dan pakwe yang saling cinta-mencintai seperti 'Good morning fiance' atau 'My ada dalam hati Dy'. Aku geli habis bila baca. Write pula on the wall of each other. No need to show the world how much both of you in love lah. We already saw the engaged with who in your profile (tapi aku baca gak. Sebabnya, kadang-kadang aku suka dan perlu rasa geli itu. Dan lagi, aku ada cerita nak kutuk mereka dengan orang lain yang kenal mereka)

2.Orang yang click ‘like’ to their own status, link, photos etc. Kelakar!

3.Boyfriend/girlfriend, Fiance/fiancée yang suka status, link or photos of each other. Sungguh cliché! (aku tak kisah kalau suami isteri)

4.Status seperti ‘Today’s Lunch: Nasi ayam, Air Oren’ or ‘at mamak eating Maggi kembang’ (ok, sekadar rekaan)… who in the world wants to know what or where you eat for lunch. ok, mungkin ada. but every time you eat? No, thanks.

5.Status ‘zzzzzzz….’ Sungguh tak perlu!

6.Status yang mengutuk tempat kerja. Tak senonoh, makan gaji gak!

7.Ex-girlfriend yang stalk facebook ex-boyfriend yang dah ada makwe lain and vice-versa. Get a life, he’s so over you!

8.Mereka yang upload gambar makanan setiap kali makan di tempat-tempat favourite dan tagged kawan-kawan with a tagline ‘nyum.. nyum..’. pwtttt ~ sebab aku takde masa nak pegi makan kat situ.

9.Mereka yang update status every 2 minutes. Gila crazy. Takde kerja ke apa?

10.Status seperti ‘hmmm... should I break with him or not’. Kejadah? Do I even know him?

11.Status ibu-ibu muda yang baru lepas bersalin. Selain dari tak habis-habis upload gambar baby, status setiap jam bertukar. ‘sara berak’ ‘sara mandi’ ‘sara minum susu’ ‘sara dah ada gigi’. Adoi, penat aku ‘jaga’ sara kau ni. Bukan nak dengki kau dah ada family sendiri, tapi tulis la sesuatu yang lucu untuk memulakan hari aku yang bujang ni.

12.Status sakit seperti‘hari ini demam’ or ‘got mc today’. memang sakit nak minta simpati.

Anyway, most of the thing yang menggelikan of course la status update. Ada juga orang yang jadi glamour kerana facebook. Bayangkan, just a normal human being living life. Not penyanyi, not ahli sukan. But the next day, a facebook page has been set up for you, by someone who hates your status. And the page has 10,000 facebookers yang click ‘like’. Wow, bukan senang ada 10 ribu orang kat Malaysia yang kenal kau yang takde bakat apa-apa selain daripada mengutuk agama, negeri or bangsa.

Facebook memperkenalkan privacy setting. Facebookers boleh memilih nak bagi siapa tengok status update or even our entire wall. Seperti kes budak Salleh Gregor tu, I think orang yang capture print screen page his facebook status is someone not so close to him, considered there’s only one mutual friend. I don’t give a damn about a spoil kid like this. Their mind is still young. Their experience has yet to come. And thus they had their own judgment about religion, faith and god according to their level of thinking and experience. Well, screw you Kid! You should set the status private. So it can viewed by your only closest friend that shared your ludicrous judgment of religion.

But the most outrageous status is by the pregnant woman from Kedah lives in Johor Bahru. She rise to fame by complaining about Johor having only one Famous Amos shop and adds a preposterous word that sparks controversy among Johorian. Well, needless to say, she is so famous than Famous Amos. Pictures of her profile with her kid are everywhere. Bloggers talk about her. Johorian set up a HATE page for her in facebook. Hey woman … do explore the privacy setting next time.

Aku nak belajar cara-cara meng- hack facebook account. Ada sesiapa boleh ajar? (tanduk kat kepala is to keep the ‘halo’ up high).

guardian of the sacred spirit

Recently, I was on a hunt of a new anime [tired of waiting next episode for the likes of Bleach, Fairy Tail, Uraboku & Occult Academy]. I stumbled upon an already complete anime series by the title Seirei No Moribito - Guardian of the Sacred Spirit. I usually had this distortion feeling watching half of the series of any anime series. But this one is a Wow! I don't even know where to begin with this.

A drop dead gorgeous animation, quite simply and a masterpiece from start to finish. Superb artwork and animation I have ever seen in an anime series. Almost movie quality. Characters are detailed and beautifully animated. Not to mention the always gorgeously detailed backdrops. Combat is incredibly fast-paced, intense and is over so quickly that you’ll miss it if you blink your eyes [ok, kidding]. Well, nothing less expected from anime studio of Production I.G. It has brilliant acting, amazing character development, engaging yet not overly complicated story, beautiful musical score. Directed/co-written by Kenji Kamiyama [Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex]. All of those elements come together to form one of the most well-produced anime.

The story is actually quite simple. Takes place in a feudal setting of Japan, it follows the adventures of Balsa, an incredibly skilled warrior, as she is tasked with the seemingly impossible duty of guarding the life of Chagum, the second prince of the Imperial Family. Balsa first catches the royal family’s eye when she rescues prince Chagum after he falls off a bridge and into the rushing river below. That night Chagum’s mother reveals to Balsa that her son is apparently possessed by the spirit of a water demon, doomed to bring a devastating drought to their lands. For this reason his own father, the emperor, has secretly ordered the prince to be killed.

Balsa accepts the job of protecting the prince and flees the castle in the dead of night knowing full well that on one hand the emperor’s most seasoned warriors will be sent after them, and on the other hand keeping the prince alive could mean the death of thousands due to the prophesized drought. But for Balsa there is only one choice. She will not go back on her word and the prince’s life will be protected at all costs.

The cast of the show is not that large and everyone has an important role to play in the story. Balsa and Chagum are often accompanied by four of their closest allies. First we have Tanda, a childhood friend of Balsa who is an expert herbalist and has been acting as Balsa’s personal medic for years. Next we have shaman Torogai. She is Tanda’s teacher and has incredible knowledge regarding the spirit realm and as old as she may be, she can actually hold her own in a fight. Finally Balsa is joined by Toya and Saya, two orphans who were rescued by Balsa years ago and will do anything in their power to try and repay her.

I really love anime series of a feudal Japan setting and a female protagonist that looks powerful and can take over the world in one swing of her weapon, like Erza Scarlet of Fairy Tail. [hehe].

This one is definitely my favourite of all time. Reasons?

1. So to say, it contains no fan service to speak of. No lolitas, no 14 year olds with DD breast, etc. [I’m kind of tired with that theme]


2. Fantastic action sequences. Do not expect any still-frames, one minute stare contests or lengthy mid-fight discussions. Fully choreographed action and as realistic as it could get with extremely fast and fluid movements. However, this isn’t an action/shounen anime, so fight scenes only occur when the story calls for them. They also do not take entire episodes. My most favourite is the fight between Jiguro Musa and his best friend in the Nine Warriors team that served the King of Kanbal kingdom. Jiguro is Balsa’s caretaker. He raised her up as her father’s request and they live constantly on the run from the King’s assassins.


3. Extraordinary music scores [Kenji Kawai – The one who gave you Ip Man’s music]. The OP, Shine by L'Arc-en-Ciel and EP, To the Loved One by Sachi Tainaka are quite appropriately conveys the pace and mood of the show. But the main strength is the Original Soundtrack. Feudal setting makes the music more traditional-sounding. The most stand-out song is “Nahji no Uta” [the Yakue rice planting song], which is used throughout the series in various forms, relatively important to the central themes of the series and is directly connected to the story. It crops me all over during the series and eventually shows up in full strength, complete with lyrics near the end. It's a beautiful, heart-felt song that is even more powerful when heard in the context of the series.


4. Every character seems to be morally good. With the exception of anecdotes concerning the ruler of a neighbouring empire, no real evil character or general bad guy can be found. Even on the battlefield people seem to be divided only due to circumstances. Everyone basically seems to make the correct decision given the choice. [I will feel tired watching anime with too evil character with the exception of Aizen-sama of Bleach, Hehe.]. Well, after all even in real life most people aren’t inherently good or evil. They’re simply on opposite sides due to events outside of their control.

It is actually the first part of a ten volume fantasy novel series by Nahako Uehashi. The anime aired in Japan on April 7th, 2007 consists of 26 episodes. 2007? Why I haven’t seen this back then? I must be busy catching Bamboo Blade, Rosario Vampire. Ahh, world of ecchi, tsundere, harem etc. [Haha]. Like the first book in the series, the anime's story is concluded but left open-ended enough for a sequel. So far there's no word on whether Yami no Moribito (Guardian of Darkness) will be made into an anime but like all good books, I would love to be reunited with these characters again. Let's hope that Production I.G. and Kenji Kamiyama decide to do another series. I want to see Tanda again. [Oh, why my dream guys always appear only in animation?] Teheehe.

clear your mind

A few days ago, I went for lunch with my officemate somewhere in Sungai Besi area. After lunch, she wants to buy Kuih Apam Balik. It’s a narrow road, penuh sesak dengan kenderaan dan takde tempat parking, and so aku terpaksa turun while she waits in the car. I went to the Apam Balik stall across the road and found an old man and a lady whom I think is Indonesian and probably his helper. I said I want the bigger Apam Balik. There’s only one left. She said okay, and to my utter dismay gets the Apam Balik with her bare hands. HER BARE HANDS, FOR GOD SAKE! I despise people who touch the food with their bare hands especially those yang selling the food. Many times I encounter these so-called situations. And every time I just watch helplessly. I positively thought that there will be no harm on eating it since everyone does the same. When my officemate offered me the Apam Balik, I just said ‘No, Thank you’.

Another time in Bazaar Ramadhan, I went buy some kuih. The girl did wear plastic glove but then with that plastic glove she touches everything else includes the money. A money had gone through many hands includes those touches or selling food you didn’t eat. How unclean is that? Many times I was tempted to ask them to change the food and use a clean plastic glove or just tell them ‘tak mau la, you dah pegang with your bare hands. Dah kotor!’ But of course I never heard anyone ever condemn about that so I thought it would be unnecessary to cause a scene. I just gave jelingan tajam yang to them is worthy not more than seringgit.

Well, of course I didn’t get diarrhea eating those foods but then why waiting to get one if you can prevent it, yes? Its sure is hard growing up with a father who will scold you when you touch your own food walaupun makanan tersebut hanya masuk perut sendiri.

the biggest religion in this world called FOOTBALL

Haish ~ lama sungguh tak update.

Beberapa hari yang lepas, aku nampak iklan World Cup di tv. Dalam hati ‘heh, baru nampak batang hidung’. Years ago in 2006, the World Cup celebration came years before, terasa bahangnya walaupun game belum start. Mungkinkah kerana World Cup kali ini diadakan di suatu tempat yang tak berapa glamour, i.e South Africa? Atau aku je yang rasa tak glamour sebab aku tak minat watching 22 men chasing a black and white ball that if ever an alien invade earth, it will question ‘why must men fighting over one ball’? Don’t they have their own err... balls? Dengar berita, masih ada 500, 000 tiket belum terjual. Yang bangang pegi jual tiket secara online kat negara miskin mcm tu buat apa?

Anyway, bila nampak iklan tu, kawan aku yang turut sama menonton tv pun berkata, ‘wey, aku harap Manchester United menang world cup tahun ni’. Aku pandang dia dengan pandangan yang berkata ‘ko-lebih-ngok-daripada-penganjur-yang-jual-tiket-online’. Walaupun aku bukan lah orangnya yang stay-up until wee hours in the morning just to watch the game held in other part of the world, aku tetap ada rasa ingin tahu siapa menang, siapa kalah, siapa jaring gol… dan World Cup is not about Football Club. Bukan nak tahu David Beckham ada jaringkan gol ke tak (tak kira team mana yg main).

Musim bola tahun 2006, aku tinggal bersama kakak dan abang ipar yang hantu bola. Ketika menjaga kakak yang sedang tunggu hari nak bersalin di PPUM, abang ipar ternampak satu rancangan tv yang mana wartawan akan menemuramah sesiapa sahaja secara rawak. Maka, adalah minah ni... kena tanya, ‘pasukan Negara mana yang anda rasa akan menang match kali ini?’ Minah tu jawab ‘tak kisah lah, yang penting dapat tengok David Beckham’. The match is between Portugal and France. I’m not really a fan of Les Bleus, but surely David Beckham doesn’t sound French to me (ok, takde kaitan).

Anyway, my brother-in-law came home that afternoon and gave me a stack of magazines, all about football. He said ‘if ever a reporter interview you and ask about this World Cup things, don’t embarrass me by knowing only David Beckham. Football is not about him.’ But then, my sister said, it is about David Beckham. Nonetheless, he put a match schedule in front of my room. My duty is to put the score in each box, while he accompanies my sister in labour room. Dutifully, I put the score of every match… which mean, I had to stay-up until late midnight. I did cheat some times. I phone my friends or I just watch the news.

Sebelum World Cup 2006 bermula, berikut adalah perbualan aku dengan Abang Ipar.

Abg Ipar: Which one is your favorite team?
Aku: urmm… it’s between Japan and Korea
Abg Ipar: (look at me dengan hidung berasap) you think this is some sort of Korean Drama with predictable storyline or Japanese animation with a handsome bloke doing kungfu?’
Aku: err… Kungfu kat China kot
Abg Ipar: Whatever… (Put a match schedule in front of my room). Put every score of every match!
Aku: (dalam hati) Mesti cari boyfriend ~

Aku dapat boyfriend yang tak suka tengok bola, tapi suka F1.

Musim bola tiba lagi. Yang kerja kat kedai mamak tambah shift. Mesti bising, susah nak tidur bila jiran atas bawah apartment melalak tiap kali bola ditendang masuk pintu. Nasib baik aku dah ada kereta nak ke office.

battle with angels

I spent my recent weekend with a marathon, from the land of tooth fairies to fighting a legion of angels for the sake of mankind. What an adventure, whew! but skip the tooth fairies land, because I’m going to write about my battle with angels (I thought angels supposed to be a saintly character by which derived the word angelic?). Even though the title is LEGION, don’t expect legions of angels rendered in expensive special effects.

The story follows as a bunch of characters who find themselves thrust together at remote truck stop diner and gas station called, ironically… Paradise Falls. Apparently, God, having lost faith in mankind, has ordered the end of the days – Armageddon, apocalypse, doomsday, whatever. So weak and meek people started getting possessed by angels by which apparently does not make the characters have clear skin and perfect teeth but instead they become almost zombie-like and start to kill all humans. The whole world falls prey to the possessed-by-angels meek and have inherited the earth (this happen off-screen, though).

What happen on-screen is focuses on Paradise Falls. Unaware of the chaos unfolding around the globe, the owner Bob Hanson, and partner, Percy goes about business as usual. The diner very pregnant waitress, Charlie, serves breakfast to Sandra and Howard, a well-heeled suburban couple and their teenage daughter, Audrey as they wait for their car to be repaired by Bob’s son, Jeep. Tyrese Gibson plays Kyle Williams a character with a troubled past, stop by at the diner to look for a phone.

The possessed start coming in as an old woman (Jeannette Miller in a very memorable scene) in a wheeled walker following by a lot more possessed humans, apparently trying to kill Charlie’s unborn child. Things look bleak, until the rogue archangel named Michael shows up without his angel-signature-wings driving a stolen police’s car and some awesome 21st century weapons. 9mm Handguns, assault rifles and wow! a rocket launcher for good measure. With Michael support they became humanity’s last line of defense. Michael gets everyone to hold up in the diner until the birth of Charlie’s baby which according to him should not exist, making it humanity’s last and greatest hope. Why? How? He didn’t explain because Archangel works in mysterious ways. Perhaps the child is the second coming of Christ? Or John Connor?

Ok, enough with the story line. Let’s see the loopholes, shall we?

First of all, God lost faith in mankind? Hey God, if you wiped out mankind, who’s going to live on earth? (Okay, maybe you’ll destroy earth too) Second, God wants to kill an unborn child. Okay... so what does he do? He literally sends a grandma, on wheeled walkers and a creepy ice-cream man to do the job. Seriously? An earthquake would be good. Tornado, hurricane, volcano, meteors, lightning, heart attack, bad fall… whatever. But God just send grandma with bad teeth to kill a baby under protection of a handsome and rogue archangel. And its just took a few slugs to stop the ice-cream man. Oh God...

The big problem I had with the movie is the fact that there are no billions of angles shooting at each other with sub-marine machine guns and hacking at their limbs with big knives or swords like the trailer and poster made of. There are only two of them. And there’s a moment before they start their hacking and shooting, Michael was trying to persuade Gabriel to stop the fight before it started. Okay, so the flashback send us to their moment in a place literally only God-knows-where (heaven, anyone?) when they were fighting side by side as brothers. But back to earth, the brotherly moment was a bit awkward. Or is it just me hoping that at some point the brothers will kiss each other and give us some thought about origin of err… Gay?

Actually, this movie is not that bad. A reminiscent of The Mist by Stephen King and also like the Evil Dead trilogy, just not as funny. But shades of Terminator 2: Judgment Day in the end, making it quite a confused movie, making me blinking with a thought ‘God was just testing His angels’ loyalty and feelings towards mankind or mercy to each other or whatever but seriously, wiping out mankind just for that?, God.. You got better reputation down here on earth and don’t make your attractive-looking angels kicking each others’ ass... please.’

By God here, you know which version of God I’m referring to. So, peace!

a little late celebration

It's New Year. Gosh! It's 2010. Time for new resolution, but I guess mine will be the same as last year and the year before. Last New Year of 2009, I said I wanted to be the best of everything for someone, and it turns out I am indeed the best but that someone isn't the best for me. You see, human problem is, when they gave something away, they expect the same thing or more will be given to them in return.

Can't we just give something unconditionally and still be happy about it? So this year I'll stick to the same resolution and added some ‘sugar’ to it. I'm going to be the best of everything to someone without expecting anything in return, unconditionally. Even if the end doesn't favor me (which I can already see coming with warning), I will still be happy about it. I wanted something to remember for a lifetime, like a memoir collector.

The cellar door and rainbow is celebrating her life.

2 voices

I heard two voices in my heart. When I heard the first one, I feel safe. I have no worries, like everything is in the good hands, even in chaos I feel strangely calm because everything is all right, as long as the voice is here.

When I heard the voice deep within my inner self, it’s calming and serene, like the flow of time stand still for that moment. It feels like you can look into a mirror of the future and it looks bright and you can feel a splash of certainty. The only thing is the voice has control over me, over my shaky emotion. There’s a cut in my heart caused by the sense of self of this voice in the early years and since it has control over me, it keeps wounded me. I was wondering why I keep crawling back. Is it because that splash of certainty or that calming and serene feeling when I heard this voice?

The second voice is the voice I’ve heard since I was 18 years old. I was in the verge of exhaustion hearing the first voice when after 8 long years I heard the second voice again. God only knows, I long for that voice. It feels like coming home. Like a thousand snowflakes flowing in the sky rushing to get back all the years left by. It feels like where I belong, where I supposed to be from the first place. But, there’s another voice coming. It’s an unfamiliar voice that sends me an understandable signal of 3 years. I do feel a sense of guilt but because that something inside me never fade, and it grew stronger every single moment, it wash away all guiltiness that keep coming. And here I am, wondering why life leads me to this particular voice once again if I was meant to forget it. They are memories left untouched by time, ageless, forever 18.

I decide to part ways with the first voice. Not because I grew tired mending my broken heart, or because I give up to love and tears itself, or that everything I put into it has run its course. It is because I found myself trying too hard and deny objection from my own reason. Thankful that I ever been here with it, grateful that it taught me lots of thing and appreciate that it ever happen. Undeniably the best thing ever happens. So long my kiss-of-life, I wish you long and happy life. Life will take it turn on us if destiny is watching us now.

I kept in touch with the second voice with an extreme consciousness of the existence of the unfamiliar voice. I got nothing else to be bothered about, no heart to mind of, and most of all no broken heart to mend. I am a free soul. I am here, sitting on the bench, sipping my afternoon tea, in my three-quarter pants and Langkawi T-shirt, watching the quiet horizon sunset, breathes in the air of freedom making my own decision, not worry if it will upset other.

I have no regret.

~shake hands with choices once again~

can you keep a secret?

Ok. Another bus ride. Another book I’ve read. By Sophie Kinsella – Can you keep a secret? Emma Corrigan, 25 years old, a junior marketing executive at marketing department of Panther Corporation. She has few secrets, which includes:

1. Sometimes she thinks her boyfriend Connor who works in research department of Panther Cola is too handsome, just like Ken. As in Barbie and Ken.
2. She has no idea what NATO stand for or what the hell it is.
3. She weigh 128 but told Connor she is 118
4. She’s uncomfortable with G-String
5. And bla~bla~bla~

On a plane ride she accidentally spills it out to a handsome stranger, an American guy, out of fear of dying when the plane hit turbulence. If ever there was a bare soul, it's hers. She survives the flight, of course, and the next morning the famous founding boss of the whole mega corporation she works for is coming for a look at the UK branch. As he walks around, Emma looks up and realises... It's the man from the plane.

It had been a while since I read a ‘love story’. Overall, this one is a nice reading. Emma’s secret is what all of us has and feel as well. I never lied about my weight though. Hee~ As I read this, I thought this will be a good date-movie... a romantic comedy. When I checked it, it's already in planning. Kate Hudson will play Emma Corrigan. Damn. I was thinking about someone younger-looking like Anne Hathaway. Don't get me wrong, but I'm kind of tired seeing Kate in romantic comedies.

Anyway, put aside the book and movie. Let me share my few secrets with you. (To think that of all those who read this blog, only a two or three knows me in real) so here we go:

1. My friend is having an affair with someone else’s husband, thus spawn havoc in her family. Everyone was against it. When she was pregnant with her then-someone else’s husband-boyfriend and everyone was like ‘eww’ or ‘oh my gosh’ or talking about her sin-on-sole, I thought she was smart. Getting herself pregnant so everyone has no other choice but to let her marry the guy, that one is a brilliant move. Sin is your business with God. As long as you got the man of your dreams, mind nothing else.

2. When everyone was busy with the thought ‘apasal aku tak kahwin lagi ni’, the truth is, I’m pretty happy the way I am now. The thought of having to care for someone else and share almost everything is uncanny. I have no desire to get married, at least not now. But singing the rhythm ‘apa nak jadi, sampai sekarang tak kahwin lagi’ nonetheless along with everyone else, so no one will think I’m out-of-the-league.

3. I had never been properly in love. And just like Emma Corrigan, I also thought that somewhere somehow, something big is waiting for me out there. Nge~~

4. I dump my ex-boyfriend because I was after something else in life then. I regret it much more than I should be now.

5. I hate my father. Not because what he did to us but because I seems to succeed his insecurity, shaky emotion and madness.

6. I have an addiction of patting someone's butt. Recently, I've come to realize, I only did this to friends that I feel really close with. I wish I can grab Beyonce's butt when she come down here. Tee~hee~

Ok, don’t share too much. What’s yours?

p/s : Mie, let's go watch this when it hit the cinema, shall we?

we're not a reading society

I'm sick of seeing TV advert about ‘Budaya Membaca'. Only in Malaysia you have to promote excessively to get people to read. For some unexplained reason, every time the advert was aired, numbness hitting me hard. The most irritating part is watching the 'actors and actresses' of the advert who seems trying harder to act like they're really into 'reading'.

Scene 1: Mom and dad in a car with 3 kids. Dad was curious because he hadn't heard any noise from the back seat and thought the kids were sleeping. Since he cannot turn away from the road ahead, mom twists her head to look at the back seat. *camera followed her * voila! Mom amazed like she had witness something extraordinary and announce the finding to dad. 'No... They’re not sleeping, they're reading!' she exclaimed, like 'reading' is an act of holiness. And when the camera focus to the kid, the one in the middle was reading ‘Ben 10’ coloring book (or was it?).

Scene 2: Teenagers in their huge motorbike which immediately will make you think about the infamous ‘Mat Rempit’ so to assume what they were up to …urmm… Racing in daylight? And they reached their destination, park their fit-for-race motorbike, and headed to the stairway. (at first, I have this thought that maybe they were up to learn some skill like ‘membuat kraftangan’) And oh! Here they are, get some book from the shelf and read it... in the library. Lots of teenagers around sedang membaca. Stupid TV Advert I ever seen. 1st the library looks as dull as ever. Wasn’t the environment that you usually see lots of people sit and were deep in their reading. Nak tunjuk remaja sekarang suka membaca? You think we’re bunch of idiots or what? 2nd, lots of people were reading in what’s clearly looks like a Pusat Sumber Sekolah and for god sake, they were trying so hard to read! Ha~ha~. Kill me.

Hey, whoever made that advert, go take a candid photos of people who takes reading as something naturally as smiling to strangers. Membaca tak semestinya kat library. Kat bustop nak tunggu bus ke, dalam LRT or Komuter or Bus rapidKL. Orang jaga kedai runcit or butik pun membaca… If Yasmin Ahmad still alive, wonder what her idea for ‘kempen mari membaca’ TV advert. Membaca tak semestinya baca buku. Baca majalah, baca newspaper, baca horoscope, baca komik, baca jampi… Ok, that’s really not the case. But seriously, I wouldn’t read my favorite books in library, unless the library provide expensive imported sofa or bed with Getha as mattress.



In this days of the-age-of-internet, you don’t see lots of people reading in library anymore (exception for Public Library with lots of leisure reading material) I mean, with the invention of e-book, you can even read e-novel with your hand phone. And people that are really into reading will bought their own book. Or go to some bookstores where you can read like crazy for free. No need for membership registration.

By 'read' here I mean, teenagers and kids. By 'reading material' I mean, leisure reading material that you usually read for pastime, just like the advert try to convey. By 'library' I mean, Public Library, heaven for leisure reading materials. An exception for researchers or the rest of us who read for life.

Reading is just not in our blood let alone society. Take it or leave it.

one week ~ away from cyber world

Happy Raya to all.
Family, friends and foes.

these are the lovely bones

Today, I finished reading Alice Sebold’s book, The Lovely Bones. (My bus-ride is worthy after all, yay!). What a breathtaking story. The best ever book I’ve read since John Grisham’s, A painted house. The Lovely Bone will turn into a movie directed by Peter Jackson, The one who brought us The Lord of The Rings and King Kong.

The story was set in 70s. The years when your high school crushes can last a lifetime and become your better half. And as Sebold says, it’s the year before kids of all races and genders started appearing on milk cartons or in the daily mail.

The story revolved around Susie Salmon, 14 years old on December, 1973 when she was brutally raped, murderer and dismembered by her seemingly shy neighbour Mr. George Harvey who lives alone and built dollhouse for a living. Over the next few years she watches from a personalized heaven as her family and friends deal with their grief over her death.

Will it turn out better than the book? I really hope so. I want to see how they’re going to visualize susie’s heaven. I’ve checked the list of actors and actresses. My favourite, Rachel Weisz will play Abigail, Susie’s mother who has a short affair with the detective and leave her husband because she’s too weak to accept the fact that her oldest daughter is dead. I’ve loved Weisz since her roles in The Constant Gardener. (She won an Oscar for this). Susan Sarandon plays Grandma Lynn, who moves into their house after her daughter leaves to help her son-in-law care for the remaining children, Susie’s precious sister Lindsey and beloved little brother, Buckley.

My favourite character is Ruth. I pictured her with a gothic sense of dressing. At some point Ruth had break all the rules by exchanging her soul with Susie, so Susie can once again kiss the boy she truly love from her high school years using Ruth’s body. Hal Heckler, the brother of Samuel Heckler, Lindsey’s boyfriend from high school to college and later become her husband, is another character of my favourite. Mark Wahlberg will play Jack Salmon, Susie’s father whom she loved most.

I’m so gonna watch this movie. I even read the movie’s script. Teeheehe. I’ve watched the official trailer and I hope it won’t be as disappointing as Twilight have been. While reading Twilight, I pictured Bella as someone self-reserved, cute and not pretty. I pictured Ellen Page as Bella while anyone can be Edward because no matter what, no human can be as handsome as Stephanie Meyer had described Edward’s look. Haha. Anyone plays Edward will going through long hour of excessive make-up. And Kristen Stewart made Bella looked too awkward.

What’s even more disappointing is too much have been left out in the movie. Summit Entertainment should have spent more on Twilight. The Sequel of the ridiculously popular saga will come into cinema some time in November. But I’m more eager to watch The Lovely Bones than New Moon. After all, Peter Jackson has reputation of turning book into good movie. The Lovely Bones will be release in US on 11 December and UK 29 January 2010. Haven’t seen release date for Malaysia or any part of Asia. Maybe we’ll get to see it some time in February next year. Du’oh.

I will blog about New Moon and The Lovely Bone after I watch it. In the meantime I'm moving to Alice Sebold's 3rd book and Second Novel, Almost Noon. Oh and by the way, her 1st book is a memoir described her experiences of being raped while walking home through an underground tunnel on campus. The book’s title is Lucky. This memoir of her ultimately tells the story of a brutal rape, the emotional trauma, and the aftermath of recovery. Now I know what inspired The Lovely Bones.

the pandemic

Seperti yang diketahui umum, dunia dilanda pandemic yang disebut sebagai H1N1. Sebagai pengguna pengangkutan awam yang tegar, aku melihat a few people telah pun memakai topeng mulut atau medical mask (aku masih menunggu topeng mulut yang diberi secara percuma – adakah?). Mak aku kat kampung tak putus-putus sms dengan nasihat ‘jangan jalan-jalan sangat, nanti dapat penyakit. Ramai dah mati’. I didn’t tell her, I used public transport everyday to get to work and who knows the person infected with this pandemic is in the bus and train as well, coughing and sneezing in the heavily crowded train where you don’t actually have choice.

Anyway, I choose not to panic. H1N1 like all influenza viruses is not airborne. It’s a droplet. Which mean the virus do not stay in the air, floating like some sort of suspended animation. When the infected person cough or sneeze, the virus transferred via the droplets of the sneeze. To be considered an airborne virus, the microorganism would have to survive or remain in the air for long periods of time

Verdict: Not Guilty

Moreover, those died of this pandemic is because they had another chronic disease. Such as high blood pressure, cancer etc. As long as you doesn’t have the other disease, kau akan demam jek. Doktor suntik flu viral dan akan dikuarantin. (Ini mungkin seronok jika ada rakan sekerja atau se-building yang dijangkiti, kerana akan mendapat cuti kecemasan sekurang-kurangnya satu minggu) I’m not saying aku kebal dan tak takut penyakit berbahaya ni. Aku cuma memilih untuk tak gelabah. Kenapa penyakit wujud? Kenapa ada orang yang terkena penyakit? Semuanya sebab nak bagi kau sedar sikit. Masa sihat tak bersyukur dan jaga kesihatan. Bila dah sakit baru ingat Tuhan. Ok, mungkin ada sedikit ‘kuang hajo’ di sini.

Berbalik kepada H1N1 tadi, memandangkan prevention is better than cure, here are some simple tips to avoid the virus (untuk orang yang takde pilihan macam aku, yang naik public transport. Because you never know who’s infected and who’s not). Avoid commonly touched surfaces like escalator railings, poles, etc. Untuk keadaan tertentu dimana it is necesarry to touch a commonly used surface (like elevator buttons and door handle) Try using you elbow, suitcase/handbag, umbrella, or use tissue. OR let other people inside the elevator do it. Just don’t stand near the buttons and don’t forget to say ‘Please’ and ‘Thank you’. Kalau dah ter-stand near the buttons, ambil tangan orang lain dan gunakan jarinya untuk press the button. (Jangan buat terhadap orang tua dan ibu mengandung) Dan jangan lupa cuci tangan selalu. Silalah rajin-rajin bawa anti bacterial hand sanitizer. Aku bawa jenama Dettol, murah aje kat Tesco. And last but not least, remember to avoid eye, nose and mouth contact with your hands.

Kalau ada orang coughing or sneezing dalam bus atau train dan tak tutup mulut, jangan ragu-ragu memberikan jelingan tajam sebagai amaran. Jika berada di dalam bus, suruh pemandu bus berhenti dan paksa orang tersebut turun walaupun berada di tengah highway. Jika berada di dalam train, selepas jelingan tajam yang tak dipedulikan, sebaik sahaja pintu train terbuka, tolak orang tersebut keluar. Tolak sekuat hati sambil jerit ‘H1N1’! Bagaimanapun, ini memerlukan kiraan masa yang tepat agar orang yang ditolak tak sempat berdiri dan masuk train semula. Baiklah, yang ini hanya dilakukan oleh golongan professional iaitu pengguna Public Transport yang tegar. Don’t try this at home, kid.

Orang kata, Jangan cari penyakit.

night in Bangsar

I was in Bangsar last night. Everyone will normally think ‘what on earth are you doing there’? Well, to accompany a friend from UK and it seems that they wanted to know what it is like the night-life here in Malaysia or Kuala Lumpur to be specific. I planned to drop them at Bukit Bintang but someone apparently was afraid to get lost in the heart of KL in the middle of the night.

And there I was. Heavy retro Indian music. The boss of the bar (Opps!) chatting happily to the friends. I ask for non-alcoholic drink and got some nice fruit Punch drink. While they talking, people start coming as it closed to midnight. The music gets heavier as my heavy-eyed. Everybody instantly knew I didn’t belong there. Someone was nice enough to ask me stand up and watched the professional singer sang a classic Hindi song. I did but I didn’t open my eyes. The boss of the place commented that he was afraid I fall asleep and thanked that person. I hissed at him that I got to work tomorrow.

Night life just isn’t for me. Some will say, ‘ahh... you’ll get used to it’. The truth is, I never. I’ve been there, but never one who will be contented with it. My night is at home. If I should really go, 10.00pm is the limit. Definitely no Shopping Spree at midnight. The only thing I can endure is midnight movie Teehee. I rather stay in front of TV watching some illegal DVD. I just don’t belong anywhere at night except at the comfort of my home, my bed, my pillow. If I’d go out, I’d be a zombie after 10pm and I wasn’t even there.

The male friend said, he’s been warning about not to drink anything illegal to his belief here in Malaysia as recently a model from Singapore has been ‘punished’ by the Religious Department for that. I have no comment for that. What you did is your choice. As I sleepily watched the friends stuff themselves with God-knows-what (haha) he smiles at me and I stared at him with the please-don’t-include-me feeling.

Life is a choice.

uncertainty

I hate this word. But not as much as I hate the meaning.
I hate to get prepare for something unconfirmed.

Scene 1:

Daddy: Hi buddy, daddy’s gonna get the 3 days off this weekend so you better get prepared for some tools, pack a few things and don’t forget the binoculars your mommy bought for you last 2 weeks. We’re going on hiking. Yeah!
Little boy: Really Dad? Oh my god, finally! Wait… are you sure you’ll get the day off?
Daddy: It’s likely I will get it.
Little boy: What do you mean by likely? And you ask me to pack now? What if you didn’t get it?

Scene 2:

Boyfriend: Sweetheart, I’m coming down tomorrow to see you. (Living on the other side of the world)
Girlfriend: Wow…really? I miss you so much. Oh my God. When will you arrive?
Boyfriend: Urmm… not sure about that. I’m still planning.
Girlfriend: Planning? I thought you said you’re coming.
Boyfriend: Yes, but I’m still planning on when to start driving or whether I should just come on Friday considering you’re still working tomorrow.
Girlfriend: Okay. Are you really coming tomorrow or Friday?
Boyfriend: It’s likely tomorrow.
Girlfriend: Ugh.

Don’t tell me if it’s not confirmed.
Tell me only if it’s confirm. Validate. Verify. Whatever the synonym is.
I hate it because my left brain cannot process what possibly the outcome is.
Certain or not certain. And you think I’m an idiot. I don’t give a damn. I don’t care.

Just let me know if you’re sure about it. Teehee.

the day you were born

Sigh. They say, it's just another number. The fact is, it's another year added to your age. Again, sigh.

I hate cakes on birthday, except the one in my Uni years.
I even hate surprise and birthday party. Silly and ridiculous. (well, except the one my friend gave me in my Uni years)

When you were born in my culture as a girl, another number to your age will mean people around you will start whispering. The odd damned thing is, they'll whispering when your parents or any of your family members are around too.

I couldn't care less about this 'moving numbers'. Jeezz.. Haha.
Honestly, I'm angry. I'm sad. Not because of the number start adding his friends but because the day he's expected to come is the day I expected my usually Belligerence and Moodiness self to be at least happy and smile for urmm.. maybe 10 seconds. And most of all able to say Thank you and Smile to the wishers instead of stuck-out my tounge.

I'm sad because the 'happy-ness' did came but didn't last long enough for me to smile the next day. Sigh.

a father and his little daughter

I saw a very exceptional sight today while in the LRT. A father sits next to me with a little girl in his lap. What makes that looks so astonishing is the absence of the little girl’s mother. His outfit looks like he’s going to work (or to office judging by his attire). My mind start thinking about the possibility. Maybe his wife is in hospital somewhere and he’s taking the toddler to her mother before headed to work. Or maybe he’s taking the girl to her grandmother because he and his wife are working parents. Or maybe he’s a serial child kidnapper pretending by wearing nice outfit. erk...

Whatever the reason is, I’m so amazed by the sight. It is a rare occurrence to see a father with little daughter alone without the presence of the mother. Or maybe I was living in a different world before. Is it? Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.

utada is the one

I’ve been a fan of Utada Hikaru (affectionately known as Hikki) since ‘First Love’ back in 1999. ‘Utada: This is The One’ is her 3rd English album. It features 10 R&B flavoured tunes, short but sweet, sweet and addictive. The more mature and confident Utada singing songs that point up a different side of her in this album. While some have criticized her overtly-sexy lyrics, Utada is still maintaining her girl-next-door image.

She portrays a cheating lover begging for forgiveness and second chance in Come back to me, which reminds me of Vanessa Hudgens’ of the same title. This is the first single release from this album. She is also a girl falling out of love in Apple and Cinnamon (the opening tunes remind me of Jojo’s ‘get out’). The lyric goes like this… Started out so simple in innocent, chemistry like apple and cinnamon… can someone out there, please tell me is there really chemistry between an apple and cinnamon? In ‘Taking back my money’ she’s a woman breaking up with her player boyfriend after realized he’s just using her.



The biggest downside of this album is the cheap-looking album cover. I thought the Japanese was the most creative people on earth. What happened? Her album cover has always been simple but this one looks too cheap to be simple. Anyway, this one is an apple and cinnamon for my ear, compare to her 1st one ‘Exodus’. Don't judge the book by it's cover. Gambatte Utada-sama!